Alone. How Do You Deal With It?

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Alone. I find myself here. Kind of stuck in my own thoughts, struggling to write, How do you deal with being Alone? I mean like really Alone? Sure you could fill your time with hobbies, TV, reading or the internet, but what if you’re just BORED? I mean like bored with life and living all together. I always thought to myself that boring people were bored, but what if they feel a genuine emptiness in their hearts? How do you fill that? Do you fill it with things, activities, working out, and hobbies? What if you just don’t care?

I realize I am talking from a bipolar standpoint. I feel myself sinking into a kind of depression where I just don’t “feel” like doing anything. I had my whole day planned as I tried to finally get some rest last night. I thought to myself, “tomorrow is a new day, gonna get shit done!” Now that tomorrow is here, I don’t “want” to DO anything. I have always had a hard time getting going. My interest in school and activities when I was younger was almost nil. I enjoyed having my imagination, watching TV and pretending that I was part of the cast of whatever I was watching. Now these fucking pills took everything away from me. I am so mad that I don’t FEEL. I am so mad that in my alone time I don’t FEEL anything anymore. I have absolutely NO imagination anymore. I hate being stable. It is so crippling. I have so much to look forward to but I just HATE living. I hate the way I look, I hate everything around me. I even hate this beautiful day. That can’t be right, can it? I am so lost. I know it’s just another one of these goddamn bipolar moods again. Ugh, I said I wasn’t going to make a self-pity post.

Okay focus. The subject was, how do you deal with being alone? I guess the bigger question is how do you deal with being alone WITHOUT feeling lonely? I wish I had some girlfriends, or just someone to talk to.  I know I should be applying for jobs right now, but I just can’t. This feels like a mountain. I am sitting here, my hands are on the keyboard, I am watching the screen and all I want to do is cry. This feels so hard. I can’t even pray because I have no faith. God doesn’t speak to me anymore. I wish I felt love in my heart, love for myself. Just love in general.

Blink, blink. The cursor is just waiting for me to type. I know I have a few people in my life, so why am I so lonely? I feel like I am screaming on the inside and no one can hear me. I want to connect but I just can’t. Today is a hard day. Much harder than it should be. I had such aspirations for today, but it just turned into shit. I am hoping for a better tomorrow. Please, Dear God, let tomorrow be better. Sorry this turned out to be a terrible post. Sorry you had to read it. We will see if I have something better to say tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

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6 Responses to Alone. How Do You Deal With It?

  1. tarnishedsoul says:

    Not that you’re saying this – but then again, maybe you are – but I find my loneliness is a struggle I create in my own mind at times. I often find myself thinking that no one will like me, no one would accept me and I realize that I haven’t even tried. But I do know, that the acceptance I receive online is nice…I just wish I felt like I can find it in real life. To me, the world is, often, an unforgiving and unaccepting place – and that opinion, I know, is isolating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I know what you mean. It’s really, really hard sometimes, when you’re sort of stuck and can’t get out of it. But I am breaking out a little each day, and I think I am getting better. Thanks for being there, I know you have your own struggles too. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • tarnishedsoul says:

        Sometimes, we just need someone else’s shoulder because are own don’t have enough room with the world sitting there…

        Liked by 1 person

  2. aloathersguide says:

    Sometimes the best way to get over our problems is to reach out and help others. That might seem silly but there is satisfaction in knowing you made a difference in someone’s life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I thought about this. The most I have been doing is helping people out on a Psych website, but that might not be enough. My mood shifted a little bit since I posted, I went out got some air, and went for a walk. Thanks for your suggesting and commenting it means a lot. ❤

      Like

      • aloathersguide says:

        Sharing with others what you are going through is helping. Don’t ever under estimate yourself. I used to battle with depression and when I was 19 I spent nearly a year in bed. I had no purpose and the world was dull and gray. Once I was able to realize helping others made me feel better it changed my life for the better. You will get through this and I’m glad to hear you are doing better.

        Liked by 1 person

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