Do you get that rush every time you get a “Like” on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter? That’s kind of the same rush I get from meeting someone new in a chatroom. I created a journal on eNotAlone.com to follow my journey through my chatroom addiction. I think my need for online relationships is a powerful, and even after purging everyone that I have known in my online world, I still keep going back for more.
The Texan left me a message on Skype because I wasn’t around last night. I was totally convinced he was bullshitting me and that he wasn’t serious about me. Come to find out he is, so jokes on me. But just showing up one night looking for me doesn’t mean anything right? I don’t know. I am just convinced most men are full of shit anyway. They never stick around, and the ones that do, and I hate to say it because I am bipolar, but they are fucking crazy or losers. I have had my fill with crazies and losers, and married men. That’s another thing. I am sick and tired of married men. They are EVERYWHERE. Can’t a single girl find a single guy to chat with anymore? These trolls are everywhere just creeping around behind their wives’ back, with no real intention to build anything. They just want you to “fill in the space” that their wife leaves behind, whether it’s just for friendship or for sex. Since when did I become “filler?” Ugh, it truly disgusts me.
Anyway, enough about that. I managed to get my sleeping in order, so hopefully I will be going to bed at a decent hour from now on. Too bad the Texan comes on so late. He may be just a passing fling after all. I can’t keep with these late night hours anymore. I need some regularity in my life if I hope to find a job soon. Therapy is later today so hopefully I can talk about some of these things, and get some solutions going. I don’t want to be a part of this world anymore. I just want to connect with someone as lonely and desperate AND as single as me. Is that so hard? It seems to be, but more for next time.