As the emergence of Spring begins for another new year, I feel myself being alive again. Without the boggles of people weighing me down, my dark room has finally become brighter. Living in this bipolar universe, I realized the mistakes I was making. I was blaming my illness for a lot that has gone in my life. That’s not the way it really is. Having that bipolar friend taught me a huge lesson, one of which was my reasons for leaving him behind. We were sitting there saying, “Ah this bipolar, this is what’s doing it to me today.” But what if it isn’t?
Why are we so quick to judge the mental illness? When I used to sit in Group Therapy, it would be a bunch of people whining and moaning how shit their life was because of their mental illness. Why are we letting it break us so much? Why are we letting mental illness be the reason why we can’t do anything in life anymore? The answer is: because we gave up and let it win.
I won’t let my bipolar win. I am not going to sit here and say I am having a shitty day because “bipolar” decided to rear its ugly head. I am having a shitty day, because the day is just shitty. I know living with bipolar or any mental illness is so hard, I empathize, I really do and I know because I live with it every day too. But why must we linger in it, stew in it and let it fester in us? I don’t want to hear it’s because we don’t have a choice. We have a choice, goddamn it. You can either sit there in your bed and pajamas all day, or you can get up, take a shower and put on some fresh clothes and DO something for yourself, even if you have nowhere to go. I am tired. Tired of living behind my illness. It’s time I look forward. I will not let my illness define me. By getting out of the habit of blaming my bipolar for my misgivings, I will learn to embrace these crazy moods and try my best to cope. That’s all I can do, just cope. And live through another day.
Don’t let your mental illness define you.
I am not bipolar. I have bipolar.
Be kind to yourselves, if you don’t do it, no one else will.