What is Your Purpose?

woman-praying-silhoutte

Have you ever sat down and asked yourself, “what is my purpose?” Some people don’t even acknowledge it. They just take out their phone and Facebook/Twitter/Tinder their lives away. I am struggling. Struggling to even write. Who is Jesus? What is God? Where has my faith gone? Do I believe in anything?

It’s hard to sit here and say I believe in “nothing.” I know there is SOMETHING out there. There has to be. My desire to connect leaves me feeling empty. Why is it that I want to connect so badly with others, yet there is a hole in my heart that limits me from doing so? I have started over. Everything is fresh and new, yet the hollowness of my heart still remains. I feel guilty. I feel guilty because of what I did to a friend that didn’t deserve to be treated unfairly. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I am not so sure. The whole point of starting over was to detach myself from my computer and go out in the real world, yet here I sit. I sit and just stare at the computer screen. The cursor just blinks, and I just stare, completely devoid of all feelings.

What is your purpose? Do you even know? The world is falling down around us. Russia and North Korea are a real life threat, yet here we are, and here I sit; completely oblivious that the world could be blown to hell at any moment. What will I be remembered for? Will I be remembered at all? A good kind caring man came into my life that understood me and I shut him out because of my own failures as a human being. I feel like praying, but my faith is so diminished after all that has gone in my life, I don’t think anyone will hear me. My voice is so small, so miniscule. Blink, blink, the cursor just blinks waiting for me to write something. I can’t go on like this. I have to make something happen. But what? All I can do is wait. Wait for a sign, or an absolution that will never come.

Blink, blink. Okay cursor, there is no more to write.

Stay tuned.

This entry was posted in God, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to What is Your Purpose?

  1. I struggle with faith, as well, and being a bisexual man, religion hasn’t been my friend. But I had a priest one time – yes a priest – tell me nothing else matters, if you don’t pray. He explained that the prayer is the relationship you have with God (or Goddess or Higher Power or the Big Power in the Sky)…if you wanted to know anything at all, wouldn’t you ask someone that loves you? That hit me as powerful and huge. I’ve had several people here on WordPress even offer to pray…I’m beginning to value it, although I still struggle to do it on my own.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I often wonder what the use of it is. I struggle with so mcuh on my own already, it’s hard to believe that if I just get on my knees and pray everything will “magically” be better. It just doesn’t work that way. Life just doesn’t work that way. But you do make a very true statement there. Thanks for your input!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You are the higher power. Your consciousness and ability to direct your focus is what will manifest what you want for your life out of the unmanifested. You have to figure out what could help you move past these negative thoughts of yourself.

    I’ve struggled majorly with the construction of myself, but I feel that something I’ve lacked is the ability to adapt and appreciate different situations. I’ve watched my life become progressively worse, if you look at it objectively from a financial, social, career stand point over the last few years, but at the same time the really horrible times have taught me to try to be more grateful and find ways to find happiness in solitude instead of hating my own isolation.

    When I go back into the real world, sometimes I feel awkward or disconnected, and thats fine. Last year was rock bottom in my life and I was isolated for 6 months with the exception of seeing my mom, doctors/physical therapists, and the occasional visit after I tore my ACL, and after I learned to adjust to my solitude and find my own rhythm independent of others it made me happy.

    Try to find your own rhythm and believe in yourself that you can see this out and achieve the results. I’d like to believe that our collective consciousness is the higher power and that we do have the capacity to create the kingdom of heaven on earth, or continue choosing not to and being in hell.

    I’ve honestly been in and out of hell over the last few years, but always have the capacity to come back to the Kingdom. Hope this helps and that you can work things out

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s